What Would Freud Say? - Polly Smith - Counselling Student

I’ve been having a tough time, feeling very misunderstood, "no-one gets it" I’ve caught myself saying a lot. "Try drawing a picture every night for the week between us seeing each other" said my counsellor.  "Make it a ritual same time every night do a drawing, let’s see what comes up that maybe is expressed more clearly through art."

That following week I was very poorly, I developed a nasty rash following a bug I’d caught, I’d even had to go to the hospital a few days before to have scarlet fever ruled out it was so vivid and angry looking. I remembered having the same reactions years ago when faced with the same sort of difficulties I was facing today, for me back then I felt it was a physical manifestation of my emotional state, and I was convinced it was the same now. 

In therapy that week we talked about what was going on for me and got to my pictures.  As I lay them out on the floor side by side, we started to talk about them, expressing what we both could read into the images I’d drawn. Then all of a sudden I noticed the pale carpet, on the back of one of the pictures I’d been playing around with the colours and had used a red chalk, this was now bleeding on the carpet and creating an huge mottled angry red mark, In that moment we both swore and jumped onto the floor in complete connectedness and started together to try and blot up the chalk.  After a few mins we started to clear it up successfully with full eye contact we laughed together.  "Wow," she said,  I don’t think I’ll hand in this tape for supervision. "No, it’s great it’s the best session for ages".   I felt fully connected and engaged as we cleared up together.  "And what’s happening now in this moment between us?" She asked.  "Well, I feel seen, and present."

Looking back to the carpet - "What do you think, will anyone notice.   It was just an accident". "Well of course, there are no accidents"  replied my counsellor, "Yes I agreed" and laughed, "What would Freud say about this?"   "Oh my god, it’s just like my rash!".......she gave me a knowing look.